Some people choose the traditional route of marriage while others prefer to live together before getting married. It really doesn’t matter which comes first. The excitement of living together almost always obscures the red flags many of us experience prior to committing but choose to ignore.
Theses red flags are the moments when you see a side to your partner, their family, or their friends that make you uneasy. Red flags can also include your friends and family’s concerns regarding the relationship.
No union should be entered into lightly. The choice to share your life with someone should not be based on a fantasy of a perfect life together or what Society dictates you should do. Any union should be based on the authenticity of each partner. How honest are you with your partner?
To enter into a union with thoughts such as “this will never happen to us,” or “this doesn’t apply to us” is childish. It is an indication that you are entering into the union with unrealistic expectations. Expectations of any kind cause suffering. To think you and your partner are above conflict and you will be forever in this bliss is a blind image of a future that does not exist.
In reality all humans have character traits that are supportive and non-supportive in their relationships. Many of these character traits are programmed from our childhood. No one is immune to childhood programming. Understanding how your childhood impacts your adult relationships is essential. We all have subconscious behaviours and unresolved emotions that lie hidden within us.
Each and every one of us bring from our past conditioned behaviours and beliefs. It has been said throughout history, “man is a product of his environment.” Very few have been able to escape their childhood pains unscathed.
Guru Ashta-deb created this questionnaire for partners who are interested in understanding what they can bring or not bring to a relationship. In essence this is a glimpse of what the future could be or could not be with your chosen partner.
Guru Ashta-deb carefully designed these questions for each partner to consider many of the issues that can and will arise during the union. The answers to these questions show compatibility and differences. If in fact there are multiple differences the union should be postponed until these differences are resolved. If it cannot be worked out then the union should not take place.
Similarities bring union while differences bring division. If answering these questions pose a difficulty, this may indicate that your life together could be a challenge.
This exercise requires 200% self-honesty. Each partner must complete the questionnaire privately and without any interference from the other person. After the questionnaire is completed the partners must share and discuss the answers together. Nothing should be skipped unless it absolutely does not pertain to you.
Skipping any item is a red flag. Be cautious of any thoughts such as “this will never happen to us.”
Ground Rules for discussion: