Sex and Intimacy are neither one nor the same.
Sex is the physical act of intercourse. It is an external act often driven by an internal emotion. Since emotions are created by our mental state, a mind of clarity is essential. Sex builds upon a euphoric feeling resulting in an orgasm that lasts only minutes. Although there are claims to the contrary it has yet to be proven that any orgasm lasted longer than 5 minutes.
After sex some feel unfulfilled and continue to seek out fulfillment, while others feel contented until the urge hits them again. Sex is easily defined by its external actions.
Intimacy however cannot be defined. Intimacy is an internal experience. It is not driven by emotion therefore the mental state is not involved. Without the mental state one is present to the moment and their partner.
Being present creates an innocence and vulnerability that leaves one feeling shy, connected and curious for more. Orgasm is not the goal but instead awareness of the entire body is felt. Every touch produces an electrical charge and there is no mistaken the ache for your partners touch.
Intimacy is not about memorizing different Tantric poses and using a toy to enhance the feeling. Instead intimacy is about trusting in yourself and allowing your intuitive guidance to take charge.
Intimacy is difficult for many people especially for those who think sex is bad, dirty and a myriad of other terms. Intimacy is the revealing of two souls.
Ashta-deb has designed Find the Features in order to help couples move away from sex and towards intimacy. To connect through intimacy with your partner is something every relationship should experience. Find the Features helps to break the barriers that prevent us from connecting to our partner in totality. To connect on such a level we must be aware of all aspects of our partner.
Find the Features
Guidelines & Technique
Both partners must freely agree to experience Find the Features. No one should be forced.
Throughout the experience you will be required to look and be aware of your partner's physical features. When looking at your partner allow your eyes to roam gently and slowly over their body.
Anytime you Find a Feature according to the rules below, you must touch that part gently. Do not in any way indicate the need for sex. For example you would not insert your finger in any body cavity nor would you tug, pull or pinch the body in any way. Instead all touch is to be soft, gentle and done with total awareness and attention. After you find a feature, softly describe it. Ashta Intimate Feelings List can help with this.
When a partner is speaking the other must remain silent. Your breathing must be in sync with your partners as much as possible.
Each partner gets a turn after each feature. E.g. After you have had a turn then it is your partners turn.
1. Refer to Ashta Intimate Feelings List before starting.
2. Create an intimate setting in any area of your house you wish. Have some incense and candles of your choice.
3. Ensure you have at least two maybe three hours of private time.
4. Before you start both parties should shower from head to toe separately.
5. After the shower both partners should wear a loose fitting white shirt or thin robe. It should be long enough to cover your bottom but not longer. No underwear.
6. Sit comfortably, but closely, opposite your partner or lie in bed side by side.
7. Be silent
8. Holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes, begin to breathe in sync. When you feel your breath slow and even. And you are both inhaling and exhaling at the same time then proceed to the next step.
9. One partner begins first while the other partner remains silent:
Start: Find a feature on your partner that reminds you of a:
When you are done then it is your partners turn.
After you have both finished Baby, then move on to the toddler, younger child and so forth.
After you are both finished each partner now takes off the clothing of the other. Lying together naked and without having intercourse continue to breath in sync and listen to the silence and heartbeat of the other. You may hold each other as long as you like. However, silence should be maintained.
If you feel the need for intercourse and further expression of love then it must be agreed upon by both parties.
Find the Feature helps to cultivate awareness of your partner from a soul prospective. Taking the time to discover our partner helps to break down barriers creating a flow of energy between the couple.
Over time as energy flow is established the animal sexual instinct of lower energy sex or physical sex is replaced with a soul conscious awareness. The ecstasy by which can be seen in just a glance in your partner’s direction.
Fulfillment has no boundaries as the soul uplifts itself in union with your partner.